Five Ways To Keep Calm During An Argument
It's frustrating dealing with rude people or a boyfriend that doesn't seem to understand you want his fries, or whatever reason that's frustrating you, use these methods to keep calm and keep things from escalating:
Keep Your Voice Down
As arguments get heated, this gets harder to do, but it's essential to keep your voice at the same level and don't get louder to maintain control of the situation. Don't try to command the situation as that becomes frustrating for the other person and escalates things quickly. By keeping your voice at the same level, it keeps you from an amygdala hijack. The amygdala is one of the oldest parts of the brain related to emotions and especially fear. In threatening situations, the amygdala creates a fight or flight response. Raising your voice during a frustrating social interaction may create a false interpretation for the amygdala and can lead you down a path of no return. So pay attention to your vocal control during an argument.
Maintain Your Posture
During a heated conversation, try not to move too much or take up a lot of space as that can seem confrontational. Many animals do this to appear more intimidating; taking up more space is subconsciously linked to getting ready to fight. If you want to keep control during an argument, try not to move too much, this also keeps from an amygdala hijack. There's a time to show dominance, but not during an argument.
Control Your Breathing
Breathing is an essential tool for us to use in our favor more often as it provides oxygen for the brain so you can think better and more clearly. Slow deep breathing negates the fight or flight reaction and simply calms you down. Controlling your breath during an argument also brings you into the present moment and moves you away from your head. It is allowing you to be more mindful and conscious of the situation.
Avoid Ad Hominem Attacks
That is when you attack a person's character instead of the argument at hand. During a dispute, we tend to want to attack the person, which is easy and feels good, but that just gets us nowhere. Try to be as objective and unbiased as possible during an argument. Look at the situation from an outside perspective and remove the confirmation bias. Remember that your world views are not always correct, try to discover the truth instead of being right and winning the argument.
Understand Your Ego
The ego is the mind-created version of self—an identity created by our upbringing, friends, beliefs, and societal programming. Our thoughts are the representations of this creation and are not always real or right. Our ego is a representation of who we think we are, which is not still real, but we cling to them like they are. The mind creates ego identifications, and we show behaviors that are consistent with who we believe we are. A lot of these belief constructions are traps, especially during arguments; some of these beliefs do not allow you to entertain some ideas if they go against what you think is correct. Meditation and mindfulness are methods that raise your awareness. If we want to remain calm, we need to master our egos.